13 things I don't want to hear in 2013

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Whether due to the general ignorance of others and the invalidity of their arguments, or to my general lack of fucks to give, there are some topics that have worn out their welcome these past twelve months.

Here are thirteen things I don’t want to hear next year;

1. ‘Sockpuppet’

In 2013 let’s get each other’s backs. Lord knows there are enough people trying to shoot us down without vile introlling. Support your local alcoholic/writer, kids.

2. 'The next Twilight/50 Shades’

How about finding the next Gatsby, the next Catcher, the next Infinite Jest. Let’s put some substance back on the table. Junk food is great every now and then, but we need some goddamn nourishment up in here.

3. 'Print is dead’

No.

4. 'DRM protects the user’

No, no, no, no, no.

5. 'Guns aren’t the problem’

Jesus shitting christ enough already.

6. 'Apocalypse’

If we survive 21/12, let’s not mention it outside of a John Cusack movie for the whole of next year.

7. 'Aspiring writer’

You’re either a writer or you aren’t. Being published has nothing to do with it.

8. 'Bret Easton Ellis just said X on Twitter.’

He is trolling you. If you don’t like it, stop following him.

9. 'Thank you for following me, download my free ebook here’

Fuck off.

10. 'Thank you for following, why not like me on Facebook too!’

Die.

11. 'Rape happens because the victim something something’

Die in a fire.

12. 'I can’t’

You can.

13. 'Women/gays can’t’

Fuck off. They can.

Anything you don’t want to hear next year? Let me know in the comments.